As I write this, it is exactly 34 minutes into my 3 year wedding anniversary; together 5 years. We now have an almost 5 month old daughter, a forever home, and are in the process of financial freedom. God, how I love my husband and my life. And I’m not trying to be all ” look at me, I have a great marriage and life is easy” BARF. We have been so lucky in our lives to find each other but have also been through challenges to get to the place where we are, comfortably, now. My husband was in a very long term (7 year) and unhappy relationship before he met me, and I had hopped from one unstable short-term relationship to another before him. We didn’t settle. Fortunately, the universe led us to each other in our late twenties and we began our journey into a real ‘LaLa Land’ relationship. I agree, relationships in general are work, but as long as you observe them, care, and grow, you can have plenty of positive and successful ones. In this blog I will highlight 3 of the most important healthy relationship tips I have come to find make good marriage advice.
Compliments
Don’t skimp! One of the most impactful relationship articles I ever read (years and years ago in some gossip magazine, probably) is that men would love to get flowers as an ‘I love you’ sentiment. My takeaway from that, and my own personal application of it, is men LOVE compliments the same as women. They may act like the ‘sappy’ stuff doesn’t affect them, or even disgusts them, but deep down they are just big, emotional humans like everyone else. The key is finding the right compliments to give your hubby.
For me, it’s almost always based on his behavior. He likes to know that the way he is is attractive to his wife. When you think about it that way, it makes total sense, right? Wouldn’t you love to be complimented on the things that are naturally and uniquely you? YES! What’s also nice about this is that the more you compliment the behaviors you like, the more they are willing keep behaving in that manner. This may sound manipulative or whatever, but really it’s not; it’s just recognizing why you love someone and letting them know. Some examples of compliments I love to give my husband are:
- “I’m so proud of you for..”
- … “That’s a great idea, Babe!”
- “I love it when you… “
- “You’re so good at…”
- … “You’re so funny!”
- … “That’s what I love about you.”
- Stare at his face when he does something that turns you on (even if it’s just taking out the garbage)… so simple!
Now, just because most of my compliments are based on behavior, doesn’t mean I don’t throw in some flirty physical ones too. He loves those, of course.
- “I like that haircut.”
- “You’re looking so (obviously attractive actor [Hemsworth in his case!])”
- “You look so handsome, Babe!”
- PINCH/SLAP THE BOOTY (totally works!)
It doesn’t take that much to make your partner feel special. Basically, you just tweak what you like as a compliment to fit your spouse’s needs. IF you’re not already doing this, you may want to start thinking about it, a healthy relationship doesn’t just come from one side of it.
Communication
Now, compliments aren’t the end-all-be-all for a healthy relationship with your spouse, but you should try your best. You have needs too and those should be addressed. The most effective way my husband and I get through a ‘fight’ most of the time, is by communicating what we ‘meant’ vs what we ‘said.’ 100% true, I’m not just saying this because it’s been said a million times before; if you put REAL COMMUNICATION into your relationship, you will see results. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
Even the bad can be good if it is what is best for your relationship. For example, again: my husband and I were ‘fighting’ about our daily workloads, basically. He owns a business that he does manual labor for Mon-Fri. I am, essentially, a stay-at-home-mom with a baby who needs a lot of attention and also does social media and data entry for my husband’s business Mon-Fri. Usually, he comes home from work (exhausted), takes a shower and makes dinner (one of the “You’re so good at…” compliments I use a lot). I am ALSO EXHAUSTED from giving everything mentally to our daughter all day. So, who takes over our daughter is clearly a pickle. We talk it out. He explains his physical exhaustion from the day and I explain my mental exhaustion. We acknowledge each other’s struggles and decide who needs to do what for the night and resolve it. It’s not a one time thing; it’s nightly sometimes. Sometimes, just getting it all out in the air after a few days of tension and saying we’re sorry helps to restore our relationship.
Compromise
While you are giving your hubs some positive reinforcement and straight up love notes, you should also not give up on your own expectations for a happy marriage. It’s NEVER all about me or him; it’s about US. Are WE happy? WE are, but only because we compromise on what we need/want. I combine those words because sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Sometimes I feel like something I want is a need, but it isn’t and to realize that, helps my husband and myself to compromise and have a healthy relationship. It takes a mutual understanding to do life with another person, because marriage is not a selfish thing. Some easy things that we often compromise on are:
- plans for dinner
- plans for the weekend
- extended family time/events
- hobbies
- baby responsibilities
When we struggle with coming to a mutual decision, we know it’s not the end. It just takes communication and compromise over time. We now are very comfortable with speaking our minds, apologizing for being selfish, and forgiveness. These are just a few pieces of marriage advice that work for me and my husband. If you have any other great tips, feel free to comment below. Visit my Marriage Advice Pinterest Board for more inspiration. 🙂
