I’m not going to lie, the idea of having a baby was scary… at first. My lifestyle with just my husband was not exactly “kid-friendly.” We had very few responsibilities besides personal care and work. The rest of the time, we capitalized on being free from any other person’s needs and did what we wanted, when we wanted. It was the life! Then it was A LIFE. It was after a crazy, 3-day bachelorette Disneyland trip with my girlfriends (where we all joked about how we were going to try and get pregnant together when we went home) that I found out I was actually already pregnant. (Haha?) I was happy, but hesitant about what the future would hold. We started planning and it shifted my mindset. We were mentally ready (as much we could be) for this babe.
Planning
Fortunately, my husband and I talked a bit about parenting long before we became pregnant. It was important for us to know if we would be compatible as parents and that our core values were the same. So many things can change when you have a child. It can help the transition to know if you’re both on the same page for the future before bringing a baby into it. This, I believe, is key to our happy and healthy relationship as a married couple and new parents. We are both in our early 30s, have been together 5 years and married 3. I like to think our years of life experience pre-baby contributed to this idea of planning for lifestyle change. The older you get, the wiser you become, right?
Planning was a lifestyle change in itself, but planning together was the key to our initial success. Pre-baby, we agreed I was going work the parent’s nightshift and my husband would get the 8 hours of sleep he needs to do his job. It was a good move to decide how we were going to handle a newborn beforehand. This way there would be fewer unknowns to deal with once she was born and we were exhausted. Knowing what to expect saved us from arguing about it while figuring out how to take care of a newborn.
Compromise
We also prepared for the expectations after work and on the weekends when we were both home. Primarily, Dad is on duty during these times. He isn’t surprised when I bring him Ruby and go off doing my own things. If he is preoccupied with something else like showering, errands, or making dinner, I take care of her. It’s not always easy, but we have learned to just compromise with each other. We take over when the other needs to something like clean the house, go to the bathroom, or finish a project. With this plan, we are both able to give and take what we need to stay happy and sane (most of the time). We still bicker sometimes because, well, life is different for us now but, planning and compromising has helped us to maintain a pretty healthy relationship with each other.
Priorities
Another part of our planning process was to establish priorities for our life as a unit. Family is #1. While there are parts of our jobs that take up our time outside of the 9-5, we chose to do those things only on occasion. We agreed that developing a family unit would be a priority, especially over work. Both of us wanted our kid to be the happiest kid and we still do! So, Dad needs to spend as much time as I do creating a bond with our kid. It’s not just about limiting work time or me needing some time for me, it’s about building a bond. We want to have strength as a family to weather any storm; for our kid to feel like she can come to us when she has questions about life.
We planned on making time for just us two a priority. We are lucky enough to have lots of babysitting volunteers, and have gone on a few alone dates in the last 4 months. It was harder when she was first born, but I think we can manage at least once a month now. It’s not as much as we were used to but we make time and try not to feel guilty. These little date nights allow us to focus on each other and our marriage, like we did before. We figure, if we are happy in our relationship, that positive energy will transfer to our kid.
#realtalk
To be honest, being a new parent IS hard, exhausting, frustrating; all those things people say. It’s true. Most of our time and energy goes to the babe instead of ourselves. But we knew it would be like that and we did our best to plan for it and support each other. Now it’s a little easier everyday. We’re a little bit stronger all the time. Our kid is 4 months old and has a permanent smile on her face. So, yeah, I think it helped. 🙂
To Recap: plan your schedule, plan your roles, compromise, plan your priorities. If you haven’t yet, it’s not too late to start! xoxo
Thank you for reading! Check out my Pinterest Board for LOTS of date night ideas and some #marriedlife tips and inspiration.
I love that you planned and had semi-flexible expectations set before baby arrived! I can only imagine that it helped so much to have that kind of lined out. Great ideas!
These are great tips! It is so important to be flexible and communicate. A lot of arguments between my husband and I with our first baby were over silly things that if we had just communicated or compromised a smidge could have been avoided!